ahhh

ever have those days where you just want to listen to angry music so loud that it would make your ears bleed? no? well we probably wouldn't be friends in real life. my life is absolutely amazing, don't get me wrong. but you know what? sometimes i get frustrated, angry, upset, etc.


today is one of those days. nothing bad has happened at all. really it's been a pretty good day. aside from that, sometimes it just blows my mind how the littlest of things can make such a big difference. i have made it my personal life mission to ensure that my "little things" for my friends are always the good kind. whether it's a txt message, ride home, help with homework when i have hours of my own to do, etc, whatever. it isn't difficult to make the little things be positive.


tonight i went to help a good friend with math homework. we worked on it for an hour. the whole time she was playing music she knows i hate. (tangent... music is my anti-drug, motivation, joy in life, etc... so it's a big deal to me) i was ok with this music cause i knew she was stressing over getting the math assignment done. when it was over, i asked if we could listen to something else. she hit the mute button and in the most obnoxious tone i have ever heard from her said for me to pick whatEVER i wanted. i picked up my stuff and left without a word.


she never said a single word of gratitude.


i realize the dramatic middle-schooly-ness of this. but what actually happened is not the point of this rant. the point is that things like this should never be an issue in relationships of value. this is not to say that there shouldn't be differences. that's dumb. but that you should make sure that your opinions don't make others feel uncomfortable. 


my generation absolutely fails at this. basically beyond belief. so many people are focused on themselves that they never stop to consider the people around them! i used to be that person. i wound up hating myself for it. i am a total loser and if this is something i can figure out, then why is it so difficult for everyone else!?!


it's so simple! congratulate people for jobs well done, thank people for helping you, recognize people for working hard, etc. it can be so so SO simple!! yet, it can make all the difference. i would bet every dollar that i will ever make on the fact that there is no one on this planet who you are enough different than that you can't find middle ground.


if you're listening to music, find a station you both like. or, hell, at least that you both don't hate. you may never know the difference that that one simple act could make in a persons life! making someone feel known is the most epic accomplishment you could ever make in their life. 


it's called being considerate. i dare you to try it.

The past few weeks have been absolutely too full to handle. Since when did mid-term week last 3 weeks? NOT OK!! Now that I'm finally through this round of exams, papers, presentations and essays my mind is able to be still for the first time in a while. What an amazing feeling! 


Tonight I've been thinking a lot about people. More specifically some new friendships I am forming. I've decided that my absolute favorite thing is when people get my jokes. Not when people think I'm funny. That's not the point. When people actually understand points that I'm making based upon their understanding of me as a person. It makes me feel so known! 
.........
I'll finish this blog later....

Facts of Life

Here are the facts I have come to fully realize this week.....

1. TOMS are slippery and do very little to keep me from falling down
2. I'm still going to wear them as if it were my job
3. My best friend and I are perfect opposites
4. Key word in that is perfect
5. Nothing I will ever do will change how God feels about me
6. That is amazing
7. His grace covers me, especially when I don't deserve it
8. Which is all the time
9. I have amazing friends
10. I have an amazing family
11. If I could have conversations like the ones I had today, everyday, my life would be perfect
12. God places tangible things in our lives to allow us to more deeply feel his love through the outpouring of it in a community of his children
13. Loving people is good
14. Telling them about it is better
15. Showing them it is best

Study Break

Fact: studying for marketing is kicking my tale right now
Fact: elections week has been kicking my tale (and I don't even have to campaign this time)


Explanation: I chose sleep over class a few too many times 
Explanation: I see this as so much bigger than t-shirts and candy


In student government we are given an opportunity to have a voice that is louder than we will have at virtually any other point in our lives. A group of 25,000 is so much more easily impacted than a group of 310,779,000. This vote will directly impact our collegiate experience. Yeah, just it's 4 years (or 5 or 6 for some people) but they're a huge 4 years! 


My prayer this week:

Let the candidates that will best lead and serve be chosen. Let the individuals who have You and the Auburn students at the forefront of their hearts be the ones who are given the overwhelming opportunity of serving. Let them know that You are the reason they are allowed the opportunity.

It may seem like such a silly thing to be troubled over, but it has really been weighing on my heart. Maybe it has to do with being on the ballot tomorrow for a position that I have dreamed of for as long as I can remember. Maybe it has to do with knowing that there are so many others on the ballot who feel the same way. I think the biggest reason it's weighed so heavily for me is that for many, God has other plans for them.


Last night I sent in e-mails to the camps that I had applied to work with for the upcoming summer. I told them that after a tremendous amount of prayer I had been led to missions. I know this is where my summer is supposed to head, but I also know that I have never wanted anything more than to be able to share my love for Him with students. I was so excited for the opportunity to serve students, but God had other plans.


Don't get me wrong, I am beyond pumped about getting to go to Thailand, but my selfish heart is still a little torn. It's like getting a full tuition scholarship to the college of your dreams, then still being a little sad that you won't be at the university down the road with all your friends. After a conversation with a major candidate tonight, I've bee led to a new prayer for tomorrow:

Let those who aren't chosen to serve in the capacity in which they had hoped realize that it's all in Your hands. That you have a different plan for them that can be just a fulfilling. That they will find comfort in Your plan, and be willing to walk in it over there own. Be with them and help them to know that You love them more than the stars that You taught how to shine. Help them to see the windows opened instead of the doors closed.

For my Good

"Nothing can separate, even if I ran away, Your love never fails. I know I still make mistakes, but You have new mercies for me everyday. Your love never fails."

AHHHHHHHHHHHH what a beautiful day!! It blesses me beyond words to see people around me being bold for Christ!! Tonight at ONE, Wren shared a quote, "You are called to be obedient. You are not responsible for the response." I feel like so often people get caught up in being concerned with what the outcome of their actions will be that they're never brave enough to take that first step.


Last night I was at a Bible study where someone brought up that were we to be doing that (worshiping God and growing closer to Him in a public setting) in most other  places in the world we would literally be risking our lives. Wow. We are blessed to be in a culture that allows this freely. Not only allows it, but guarantees us that right. So often we don't walk in Him because we are afraid. I know I was definitely in that number for far too long.


We are afraid that people will judge us, that we'll be put down, that no one will be there to walk with us, the excuses go on and on. "You are called to be obedient. You are not responsible for the response." He doesn't expect us to control everything, He just expects us to listen.

"You make all things work together for my good."

Even if the outcome isn't what we expected, it will be what is good for us if we just listen to Him. Such a simple command. Listen. At times it can be so hard to follow. He has promised us that when we are obedient He will take care of us.

 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

It doesn't matter if no one follows us. Walk in Him and everything will work for our good. It may not always seem like it at the time. He has our entire lives mapped out and it will all work together for our good. So much comfort in finding that God has us safe and knows where our walks will lead!


Just listen. Be obedient. He will make all things work together for your good. He loves us. Period.

Time Management

I love listening to the rain. Admittedly, hearing it bounce off asphalt along with the sound of cars going by here in Auburn is not quite as relaxing as it hitting the tin roof along with the sound of crickets chirping like it would be at home. Every time it rains I miss my mom. Despite how amazing my week has been, I've felt a little freshmany through it all. Just a little homesick. 


I've been tremendously blessed to have amazing friends here who have become a family away from home. This week I've been too busy with all the new excitement that I haven't been able to invest in them the way I'd like. even with how full God has made my heart, I still desire to celebrate these new blessings with the people in my life he has blessed me with.


New goal for the week: make time for what is truly important. Namely: people who are important.

Happy Cries

Life update: I went to church tonight with 5 of my closest friends to worship with a family of 700 college students, just booked a flight because I got a grant to attend the Universities Fighting World Hunger Summit in Guelph Ontario, and I have the amazing opportunity to minister to hundreds of high school students through the SGA's High School Leadership Conference over the next 2 days.


My prayer tonight, "Thank you God for giving me far more than I could ever begin to deserve. Thank You for touching the hearts of so many around me tonight at ONE. Thank You for allowing me to be in the lives of so many beautiful young women through S.A. Thank You for allowing me the struggles I've had and the strength to get through them. Thank You. Thank You for choosing me. Thank You for loving me. Please let me continue my heart for You. Give me the strength to be the person You have made me to be. Thank You for transforming my heart for You. Thank You for allowing me to exist. Thank You for allowing me to be in the middle of so many young adults for the next few days. Thank You. Thank You for laying out such a beautiful, perfect, and pleasing plan for my life. Thank You for helping me get to the point where I want, more than anything, more than I want air in my lungs, to follow You. Thank You."


Just bawled Am currently bawling my eyes out after realizing how much I have been given in comparison to how little I deserve. I've got at least 2 more hour of work and an early morning and I am SO thankful. SO humbled. Wow. Thank You.

"He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalms 103:9-12

I don't even have words for how astonishingly humbling it is to think that the creator of the universe cares enough about me to save me. Not only to save me, but to bless me abundantly. Thank You. There is no way I could ever be worthy of the life I have been given. 


Tonight in church I was thinking about what I would say to someone who had never heard the name of Jesus. I realized that I couldn't think of anything. There was nothing I could ever say that would work. A chill came over me when it sank in that God works in moments like that. When you're working for Him it's He who is really at work!


There's no way I could ever deserve this life, but I'm not living it for me anymore. My life is His and I am His servant. Thank You. I am so so so blessed.

"I'm a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world." -Mother Teresa

My soul now to stand.

WOW!! Ever have a day where no matter how hard you try, you just can't put words to how you feel? Welcome to my life. Now more than ever I am having days where my heart just gets so ridiculously overwhelmed it's out of control. Some days are bad, some days are good, and some days are just impossible to explain.

I've spent the last few months obsessing over what I was supposed to do with my summer. I've filled out applications, chased down internships, looked at camps, ugh entirely too much stress to be healthy. Well today I randomly, out of basically no where, decided to go to overseas to do missions with the church I attend in Auburn. I heard about them a few weeks ago, but hadn't thought too much into it.

Today, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I went to get a passport. Like left campus, skipped class, and spent 2 hours getting everything done. Wow. I generally tend to over-think things. Like a lot. Today I just listened. After going to the courthouse for an application, Walgreen's for a picture, and the health department for a birth certificate, I made my way back to the courthouse to wrap things up.

As I was pulling in, The Stand came on the radio. "You stood before my failure. carried the Cross for my shame. My sin weighed upon Your shoulders. My soul now to stand. So what can I say? What can I do? But offer this heart, O God, completely to You." Wow. I sat in my car, belted the song at the top of my lungs, prayed that I could be strong enough to walk God's path and continue to give him full control of my heart.

When I went in to turn everything in, I have never felt more confident in a decision in my life. I have spent years trying to decide exactly where to take my life, only to finally understand that it's not really my decision to make. God has always known where I was headed. Blahhhh I wish I knew better words to explain how beautiful today was.

This post doesn't even have a legit purpose. My heart is just too full to contain. The heart that I have finally quit trying to control. The heart that I trying daily to offer completely to God. I know this will take a conscious and consistent effort to maintain, but I am so excited.

"So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all. So I'll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered, all I am is Yours." 

Faith in our Faith

I came in from the library tonight with every intention of being a proactive student. Get my homework for the week done, read ahead, finish up a few organizational forms, and so on. Instead, I've spent the last hour blog-stalking one of my professors. Easily the best decision I've made all day.


She is an amazing an inspiring woman and my blog-stalking has definitely given me some motivation for the upcoming week. I read a lot of her posts, but one definitely stood out to me. It was about some book I've never read. More specifically it was about how Luke 22:31-32 stood out to her.

Luke 22:31-32 "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

A verse I had never heard before. She was caught on the fact that this verse applied to all of us. That Jesus Himself prayed for us. That he had faith in our faith. Wow.


I'm relatively new to intentionally walking with God, and lately I've been concerned with showing him how much I wanted to walk with him. Showing God that I had a full faith in His sovereignty. He has faith in our faith. Wow.


I was walking to the library tonight and as I passed Mary Martin Hall I looked up and could see the stars perfectly. The moment took my breathe away. Since my I was a little kid I can remember being enamored by the stars. Seeing them is one of the biggest things I miss about home. Seeing them tonight reminded me of how beautiful and perfect God's plan was for my life, and (though I didn't have these words for it then) that he has faith in my faith. 


He has faith in our faith.


Last week was pretty ridiculous. I was stressed and my heart was so full. I let Satan win that battle more than once. Then I became even more stressed with my self for not being able to let what stress I had go. God carried me through with loving grace that I could never possibly begin to deserve.


Wow. He has faith in our faith. Faith in my faith. How comforting it is to know that I was made to worship a God who believes in me more than I could ever begin to believe in myself. 

"Salora, Salora, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Salora, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”